My Response to The Choice

Recently I went about my day practicing new principles from a book I read.  I not only failed miserably, but now I know the source of all my problems-ME.  That knowledge is hard to grasp, especially when I am resisting it.  But why would I resist something that would bring me more

 joy and happiness than I have yet experienced?  Chances are that human nature wants me to believe I am faultless, flawless and can do no wrong.  Then along comes a book that tells me plainly that I am the cause of all my unhappiness.  Would not most resist under that condition?  Alas, the act of resistance is the greatest inhibitor of change. 

 

The Arbinger Institute and their team of authors have enlightened the world of psychology in their pocket-sized book, The Choice.  Never before have I seen an age-old problem so clearly understood, defined and resolved.  Their remedy to relational situations far exceeds the popular material that we read today about human behavior and relationships.  Of course, comprehension and change seems easier on paper than is the reality of truly changing oneself.  The intention of this paper is to explain the simple process of change as described by the Arbinger Institute.

 

Two Choices: Respond or Resist

A situation arises and we choose whether we are going to respond or resist.  By seeing others as people, we can respond when they have a need and act in service toward them.  By seeing others as objects, they become obstacles and problems in our way.  We refuse to serve them and spend the rest of the time blaming, justifying and resenting.  The pathway is dark and lonesome; it is the course to self-betrayal.

A very recent experience taught me that I am unaware of the choices I make until it is too late and I have made the choice to resist, heading down the path of self-betrayal.  I wondered if I had this experience because some hand of Providence wanted me to see clearly how habitual I had become in resisting service.  The choice of resistance is an unhealthy habit. When we choose to resist, we slide down the slippery slope of suffering and self-betrayal.  As we are presented with situations to serve we can stop and think what will be our choice: to resist or to respond.

 

Serving Others

If I were to respond instead of resist I could effect a change in me.  The only catch is that I need others in which to respond.  It isn’t enough to make that change on my own.  Clearly, other people are essential to my quest for change.   The authors explain that “my responsiveness to others’ needs is my deepest sense of what is right” and by serving them I do right and feel happy.  Change only takes place by forgetting myself in response to others.  Jesus taught the same principle when He said, ”For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.”  Change will come as we serve those around us.

 

The choice is undoubtedly my responsibility.  Unlike in the first paragraph, it is not a question of resisting, but a question of choice.  Will I choose to serve by responding to a need or will I choose to resist?  My happiness and satisfaction hinge upon my responding to others’ needs.  That knowledge is easier to grasp.

 

 

Summary of The Choice, by The Arbinger Institute

The Choice, by the Arbinger Institute is a refreshing new approach to self-betterment. It puts the responsibility back onto the right person, ourselves. The authors attribute our responsiveness to others or our desire to serve others as the deepest sense of what is right. When we feel to assist another and follow through we are showing responsiveness. When we resist the feeling to help others, we betray ourselves and become resistant.

The book is founded upon our view of how we see people. When we are responsive, we see others as people and when we are resistant we see them as objects. Seeing others as people we are seeing them truly and thus we are true to ourselves. Perceiving others as objects we are resistant to their reality and see them falsely, consequently we are false.

Seeing others falsely, we resist them, thus we do wrong, then we seek to be justified, then we begin to see “a world that makes the wrong seem right.” The consequences are numerous when we are resistant. We find fault and place blame on others; self-betrayal magnifies others’ problems; seeing falsely we walk in darkness; and finally we become consumed with self.

The authors touch on some widely accepted behavioral views such as Psychodynamic Tradition, behaviorism, humanism, and cognitive theory teaching that they all have one thing in common: helping people to cope in a resistant, self-betrayal state. Their response to these popular views is that we must change to be responsive and that the only way to change from resistant to responsive is to forget ourselves in the service to others.

Standing Up For What Is Right and True

I am convinced that only through selfless service will we be able to keep our nation free.  We waste our time and energy when we focus on the deficiencies of our government and leaders by complaining, sending emails that degrade and humiliate, and spending numerous hours gossiping with friends.  Complaining has never gotten us where we need to be nor will it ever further the cause of liberty in the future. It is an unmistakable misuse of our time. 

We need to serve our families, community and nation.  Service is the action word for love.  I like to think of the compassionate  bishop in Les Miserables who transforms the guilty and desperate Jean Valjean with a single service of love.  His life is altered in such a way by that solitary act that he is compelled by some unseen power to give his life in service to the forlorn and neglected Cozette and others.  Similarly, we can do as the bishop and be forgiving, kind, selfless in our ministrations and charitable.  That alone has the power to change our nation.  

Our decisions determine our liberty.  We the people are not only the cause of our nation's problems, but WE ARE THE SOLUTION.  "Will you join in our crusade, who will be strong and stand with me?", say the lyrics in the song from Les Mis called, Do You Hear The People Sing?  I invite all of you to stand up for what is right by rolling up your sleeves and serving your spouse, your child, an elderly grandparent, a neighbor, a worthy community program etc.  Together we can form a powerful band to spread peace and freedom.

Prince Richard

The cousins got together in February with a great idea.  To show their love and gratitude for her and the legacy she has begun, they set off to create a movie for Cathy Davis' birthday.   All their lives they have been entreating Cathy to tell them the famous stories of Prince Richard.  The story commenced at Lake Powell when Richard Marsh began splashing little Emily Greenman who then ran for cover in the arms of Cathy.  In order to build her up and divert her attention, Cathy set in motion a series of stories that she called the Prince Richard Stories.  They were told and retold as each new Tibbets' grandchild was born until the stories are as big as life.  

Here is the movie they created: